Friday, April 16, 2010

End of a Chapter

Dear blogger blog.

I keep writing about struggling with an ending relationship and struggling with going through with a new one. Well, finally I have confronted both problems. My old boyfriend currently cant message me in anyway unless he comes over to see me. And the guy I went on a few dates with turned out to not have a girlfriend just a creepy neighbor who likes to say she loves him. 

With my struggling ex boyfriend I blocked him from everything I could think of. If he cant say something nice then he can't say nothing at all. While this was happening I still continued to go on dates and slowly stopped thinking about my old boyfriend.

Last night I went out with the date, lets call him James. It was a good night, as it turns out my old boyfriend came to my place asking for me and my roommate told him I was with James. According to my roommate he said he started to look sad and said "oh yeah, she hangs out with him alot?", my roommate replied "Yeah lately she has"...Finally what I was looking for from him I finally got but wasn't interested in anymore. He told my roommate he missed me and was coming down to ask me to get back together, I spent three weeks trying to work things out with him and was treated like shit. He told me if I wanted him back I couldn't hang out with Ash, so I chose Ash over him. As Ash says "Bros before Hoes". I'm just so glad finally I am over him, when I found out he wanted to get back together I laughed, I didn't regret hanging out with James. And I have finally found closure. 

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Semi New Banner



Originally Ash had made me a banner, now that I've managed learn some photo shoppin' skills/cheats I spruced it up a bit, added a new font and a lipstick mark. I'm totally diggin' it are you?

My new single soul is getting used to it. I'm finding I'm having a great time just being single. I found that I really do have a great roommate, and in my opinion 1/5 ain't to shabby. Last night we completely Jamaican showered(non sexual) then just chilled and she talked about how awesome I was and how easy I was to talk to. A lot of people say that so I guess its true. I wish they could solve some of my problems though, but I'm not really complaining.

Since it has stopped snowing I'm finding that weather is nice and I'm feeling a lot better about myself. I've gained quite a lot of weight since starting college but I've been told I was too skinny. With all my weight gain its pretty much gone to the good spots anyways so I'm alright with it.

I've got college exams all week  and I haven't felt like studying lately. I hope I start soon, I'm getting pretty nervous about the exam. I hope I can pull it all off. Anyways, good night for now.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Pas Encore, Pas Encore

Lets just say..Its been maybe two weeks and I'm still looking for it. I've run into a few problems while looking for this though.

I went on a "datey" thing last night, it was alright but their is certain problems with it. I've known this guy for awhile hes a class mate of mine and I wouldn't consider him my type. Theres 2 problems this him. One being he's got himself into a nice criminal record..which had him under house arrest for quite sometime. Apparently he "smashed" the face in of some guy and the guy needed plastic surgery to fix it. That sort of thing makes this guy not my type. I believe violence is never the answer.

My second problem is while on facebook I've noticed another female always writing on his wall saying stuff like "I love you" or "I miss you and am so glad to be with you". I've sort of questioned him about it since he seems like hes going after me. He just says he is single. So now I don't know what to do.. I hung out with him last night and we had some ..relations, but I find myself extremely guilty. I completely think its wrong to cheat on someone and I wouldn't want his maybe girlfriend to get hurt or for me to cause any drama. So for now I guess im stuck making a decision about this. I don't want to hurt anyone and I definitely don't want to be hurt myself. 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

On another note...

To sum up the previously previous post..I did end up technically finding a prom date, except my parents had gotten into that huge fight so I should up to prom shit faced my date avoided me and I made out with a girl for at least an hour. Interesting night, I made alot of friends after that just not the crowd I want.

To sum more up. Me and Ash sort of drifted apart for a few months but I've seen him a fair amount this month which is great due to the fact I moved 3 hours away for college. We have sort of made plans to go across Canada for about a month and a half I really hope it works out, it seems like a great experience.

To sum more x2 up. I'm in college for culinary I freaking hate it, I get all nervous and worked up before I go to class and was told I have anxiety attacks. But soon that will change, I'll go back to living with my parents...no bed this time. And I will hopefully spend the next 2 months as a paper pusher or some office job that perhaps a monkey could pull off. I want something like this because my next course goes into business then hopefully go into university for that. The thought of me going to university makes my parents laugh. They don't think I can do it but I think I've become a hard worker lately and may be able to pull it off.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Life....And a Theory on Relationships.

Wow, I Haven't blogged in a year. So to catch myself up on my bloggingness and my life. I'm currently in college for culinary. Right now it sucks I hate it I'm so stressed that sometimes I just want to come home just to cry. I also have a bunch of other problems, like roommates..Fuck them who needs them. I used to be really shy before college but now anymore I guess thats the only real good part about college, that and alot of life lessons learned. 

So another story, I met a guy and dated him for almost 8 months. We were about to move in together and I had gotten completely prepared to move in with him, I even gave away my bed since we were going to move in and would need a much bigger one. Right at the end after almost all apartment paperwork was completed he changed his mind and he ended up breaking up with me. I'll admit its a slap in the face, but for the most part I've tried to hold my head high and not let it get to me although sometimes I have some break downs. 

Through all of this drama we have managed to hang out just like we used to and I keep hoping that maybe we ill get back together but I know I'm wasting my time. Every time I ask him he says maybe and that we have to work on things. But after he says stuff like this he starts to say things like I'm not working on the relationship or that I don't seem like I want to get back together with him. To be honest I think this is total bullshit I ask him all the time if there is even a chance and I really started to think I should just stop trying. 

So today I decided I'm just going to move on from all this, plenty of fish in the sea. Today I made some healthy choices and did of thinking I've started to realize that a relationship is like a tattoo, everyone tells you not to get this "tattoo" and for the most part we do it anyways. After awhile we start to realize this "tattoo" really isn't working out but its on us and it will be hard to get off. As any tattoo, it is a scar on your body or in this case your heart. The only way of getting rid of it is covering it with a new design aka another person or you can remove it, which often can take a lot of treatment and healing. I think my tattoo is too big to cover, so I'm going to remove it. I don't know what image this tattoo has but I know it wasn't my best choices in design.