Busy...

I know, I'm not on much I always forget my password then just give up trying to get in. I really do make my passwords to complicated, But maybe thats just a good thing. So as far as this school year has been going I think I liked last year better...Really not sure how to start this up and start writing again. I met this guy, lets call him Beans. He's in my english class and sits in front my of and I sit far in the back. So in september Beans was rolling a joint in his desk and I couldn't help but laugh..his filter sucked. Beans asked for my cell number which I then gave him and I began the 4-5 month journey of smoking a lot of pot. Course I guess I could consider Beans a friend which realy he is. We laugh, talk, ..he kissed me a few times..Then got another girl friend ..But I'm fine with that. But me smoking pot almost everyday has opened me up to meeting new people yet I'm finding my grades slowly slipping away and some past friends looking down on me. Which to be honest the friends I don't care for much anyways. I like to talk to the people I like to talk to and sometimes I feel like I am constantly hushed. And Beans doesn't do that. He likes when I speak my mind. Probably cause I tend to point out what people think about and never mention. But Beans is someone to talk to. I guess I don't talk to Ash as much wish I did but hes got new friends and unless I'm high its pretty hard to get me talking to new people. Anyways I've done my fair share of stupid things with guys this year. Lets see I noodled with a guy, lets call him Zebra..He basically led me on enoguh so he can get off then stop talking to me a few weeks later. He walked past me in the hall the other day I smiled and said Hey Zebra and he just walekd past me. I guess when you fuck someone you forget who they are. Either way I shouted back asshole. He knows who he is..Fuck you Zebra.
Another encouter was with Indiana Jones... I was high...He wasn't. Spoke to him the next day and he was like I like some girl. And I was like ....good to know buddy..Guess thats my life..I get high..I whore up..and I stress about the fucking prom way to much. I don't want to go alone. Please for fuck sakes if there is a god out there ask him to find me someone I like. And get me a pretty dress..I deserve to sparkle atleast one night a year.

If you only knew...

It surprised me how much work it took to wrap a present but I started it

and after about 20 minutes of putting up a fight with the hotpink ducktape. But I won..

So...I Lied.

I said I was back, then forgot again. Of course I did. I say something and never really do it.

But I'm determined to write in this blog a lot more starting ...now.

Things on my mind:

• Ash's Birthday Present
• Work
• School
• Boys..(But not really)

Ash's birthday is coming up. And hes a really hard guy to shop for. Hes sort of into random things like movies and magic and stuff. That's not random. But things I don't know about, which makes him hard to shop for. But finally, I've thought of the perfect present or at least I thought I did. I half want to tell him just because I'm good at ruining it. But threes also a major chance its a really stupid gift. But we'll see.

Work, I love and hate it. I spend 6 hours hating it then when my shifts over and I'm walking home I think to myself. God I love my job. I don't understand why I love it. Its so hot in there, its messy, I come home with all these cuts and scrapes. But somehow I manage to come home with a smile on my face. It could be that I'm happy the shift is over, that makes sense...I don't plan to quit. Although sometimes I think I should.

School starts tomorrow. Another year in hell I guess, Every time I start school I tell myself this years going to be a change, something different, maybe I will be better. But really..Nothing changes, friends change, grades change. But somehow I manage to be the quiet shorty I am. Maybe I need to grow. It might help, that or I can talk to people I don't know instead of people I do know. I'll let people see the real me. Not the quiet me that most people see. I guess I'm 2 sided. Ash sees the real me, people in my classes don't.

People don't really understand. I was talking to this guy whose shy also (some how we both managed to talk...wow) and he felt the same way. My mind wants me to talk, but my mouth doesn't. Its like half your mind holds you back from saying what you want, while the other half just says "Do it". Eventually the chance of talking goes away and your left with the harsh mental abuse comments in your head. Stupid ass, dummy, you know you could have said something. Believe me. It sucks. I guess I should work on that, talking to everyone and not giving a damn what they think.

Its Monday, September 1st 2008. And things will change. Because now...

I don't give a damn.

-Benjamin-

Im Bacck

Miss me? I completely admit to orgetting about my blog. Which is sad since I've done nothing this summer so I probably should be keeping myself busy. I also probably should be leaving the house more often. I've only left the house was to see Ash once and to go to work. Which leads me to my news. I have no life. Its been decided.

I got a job which basically sucks but I guess all jobs suck. I've worked there 3 weeks and so far no pay. Me and my boyfriend broke up which leads me to pretty much hating most people right now. I've started a few fights lately which probably isnt too good. I wouldn't say this is my favourite summer. I sit in a room of purple all day. I'm sure I could leave the house but I hate asking for people to hang out and I dont like calling people. I find it awkward. But I want to go swimming, swimming alone isnt too lonerish is it?..I could bring my brothers...Wow im desperate.

I've just sorta of babbled today. Usually somethings on my mind. But I think ive had to much time to think things through. I'm sure i'll find something to blog about soon.

Benjamin

Because yesterday..

Since yesterdays post wasn't too great and everything. I'm not going to post much today. I'm going on a trip today and wont be back till sunday. But here. I found this picture.

God damn.

Ever feel like someone is trying to hurt you? Like they find that one small thing in your life and twist it so bad that you can't help but cry. And now matter how hard to try to not cry you cry even louder. Its worse when that person not only tries to make you cry but they talk down to you in a manner of making you feel like shit and you feeling like tomorrow is to far away so why not end your life today. Wow that rhymed I must be a poet. But that's not my point. But some people god if I was taller I'd smack them so hard. I'm not saying I'm crying right now.. Well maybe I am but really it doesn't matter. But sometimes you get that feeling like that ball of anger in your chest and then your eyes get a little sore you don't cry ..no not yet..but then you get one tear and you wipe it away then another then soon your bawling then your face feels dried out and crappy and all you can think about is one tequila two tequila three tequila floor.

Benjamin...The life story.So my

So lets start off a little introduction here. My name im not sure if I've mentioned is not my name. And then name "Benjamin" was just chosen at random. You see I have all this junk on my desk and after talking to ash about how I should start up a blog I went to the website clicked sign up went through it and where it said I needed a username I looked over and on my desk was this movie "Private Benjamin" and I was like Benjamin that will do. So thats why im Benjamin.
So now explaining all this we get to the simple point of why this forum is called Gobstopper. All you really have to do is change the top paragraph words that say "Benjamin" and change them to Gobstopper. See take a look at this.
[quote]And then name "Gobstopper" was just chosen at random. You see I have all this junk on my desk and after talking to ash about how I should start up a blog I went to the website clicked sign up went through it and where it said I needed a username I looked over and on my desk was this movie "Private Gobstopper" and I was like Gobstopper that will do.[/quote]
See it almost makes sense? Up top theres this awesome guitar shirt banner thing? Its pretty cool Ash took the pic and sent it back to me all edited and stuff. I think its awesome.
So my day today, it was pretty boring during the time of 8:30-3:30 but then me and Ash went out to dinner, we to the movie place, go icecream then bussed home because I'm that lazy. After Ash got off the bus the bus stopped for like 10 minutes it was weird I didn't notice till a few minutes later. But I made it home in 2 pieces which is always healthy. See ya!