If you only knew...

It surprised me how much work it took to wrap a present but I started it

and after about 20 minutes of putting up a fight with the hotpink ducktape. But I won..

So...I Lied.

I said I was back, then forgot again. Of course I did. I say something and never really do it.

But I'm determined to write in this blog a lot more starting ...now.

Things on my mind:

• Ash's Birthday Present
• Work
• School
• Boys..(But not really)

Ash's birthday is coming up. And hes a really hard guy to shop for. Hes sort of into random things like movies and magic and stuff. That's not random. But things I don't know about, which makes him hard to shop for. But finally, I've thought of the perfect present or at least I thought I did. I half want to tell him just because I'm good at ruining it. But threes also a major chance its a really stupid gift. But we'll see.

Work, I love and hate it. I spend 6 hours hating it then when my shifts over and I'm walking home I think to myself. God I love my job. I don't understand why I love it. Its so hot in there, its messy, I come home with all these cuts and scrapes. But somehow I manage to come home with a smile on my face. It could be that I'm happy the shift is over, that makes sense...I don't plan to quit. Although sometimes I think I should.

School starts tomorrow. Another year in hell I guess, Every time I start school I tell myself this years going to be a change, something different, maybe I will be better. But really..Nothing changes, friends change, grades change. But somehow I manage to be the quiet shorty I am. Maybe I need to grow. It might help, that or I can talk to people I don't know instead of people I do know. I'll let people see the real me. Not the quiet me that most people see. I guess I'm 2 sided. Ash sees the real me, people in my classes don't.

People don't really understand. I was talking to this guy whose shy also (some how we both managed to talk...wow) and he felt the same way. My mind wants me to talk, but my mouth doesn't. Its like half your mind holds you back from saying what you want, while the other half just says "Do it". Eventually the chance of talking goes away and your left with the harsh mental abuse comments in your head. Stupid ass, dummy, you know you could have said something. Believe me. It sucks. I guess I should work on that, talking to everyone and not giving a damn what they think.

Its Monday, September 1st 2008. And things will change. Because now...

I don't give a damn.

-Benjamin-